I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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