your parents love me but you hate me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
