I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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