There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
