i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
