I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
