i don't plan on having that self control this summer
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
