Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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