Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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