i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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