fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
