Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
