first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
