Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(719): View more from Colorado

I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work

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(905): View more from Toronto

In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience

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(406): View more from Montana

my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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(913): View more from Kansas

the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job

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(406): View more from Montana

Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.

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(276): View more from Virginia

Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.

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(516): View more from New York

I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.

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