Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
