he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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