Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
