I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
