I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Panties = found
Randomize