My room smells like vodka and shame
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
third nipple confirmed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
