I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
