I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize