next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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