I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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