when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
