You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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