I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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