Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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