I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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