..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
