she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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