She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
