were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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