Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
