My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
