brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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