So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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