she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
