You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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