kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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