my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
