I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
not ubering you a puppy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
