Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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