is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
