I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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