I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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