Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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