this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
