i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We need to get me chipped asap
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
