you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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