when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
