He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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