I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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