I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
