My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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