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He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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