Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
