theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
