she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
