i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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