Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
