your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
