Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Life is so much better after having sex.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
