Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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