ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
