Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
