Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
