My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
