Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
