You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
