I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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