I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
